When it comes to romantic relationships, communication is a vital ingredient for a successful relationship, but something that many students tend to overlook in favour of physical attraction and fun. But, the reality is that toxic communication is not fun or fruitful at all.
Some dudes often utter things that may seem innocent at first but they are actually a form of emotional bullying and abuse–not to mention these phrases may trigger big fights between you and place your relationship at risk.
While nobody is 100% perfect or always says the right things, if your boyfriend says any of these phrases often, they are immature at best and a bully at worst:
“Just shut up and listen…”
One of the most common and disrespectful phrases that your boyfriend will say whenever they don’t give a dime about your opinion and want to push theirs instead. It doesn’t matter if they are ultimately right; demanding from you to shut up and listen to them is utterly disrespectful.
“Calm down”
“Calm down” is perhaps one of the most irritating phrases your partner may say when they are actually the ones who need to calm down. Ever seen the movie “anger management” and the plane scene?? It’s just next to impossible to keep your calm when the other person is triggering you to the core.
“It’s none of your business”
Does your boyfriend seem secretive and refuses to tell you what he was doing and with whom? While questioning him like a police officer won’t do you any good, if he responds with “it’s none of your business, he may be hiding something that he doesn’t want to tell you.
“I don’t want to hear about your issues right now”
Another common phrase that your boyfriend may utter when they are trying to disregard and downplay your issues. While nobody wants to talk to their partner all the time, if your BF says this often, they are simply inconsiderate of your concerns.
“I don’t want to help you with this X project/work”
Let’s say your professor hands you a mutual class project but he refuses to help and do his part. Or he doesn’t want to help you clean up the mess from last night’s party This shows he is a lazy and egotistical jerk who wants you and others to do the tough work instead. Not a good thing.
“You are just like your mother/father”
Does your boyfriend tell you you are acting just like your mother or father (and it’s a bad thing)? If so, this is an excuse to put you down for your upbringing and shift the blame on your parents and then back at you.
“You are too sensitive”
A toxic partner will often tell you you are too sensitive or overreacting in order to make themselves feel better for everything bad that they said or did. In reality, this is a form of gaslighting as it invalidates your emotions and makes you feel weak when your bf is the one with the problem.
“You are doing this wrong. Let me show you…”
While we all have certain ways of doing things, if your boyfriend is too eager to correct you for random stuff that you can do differently e.g. your pasta cooking skills or a mere homework question, they are a bully with a huge ego and a “it’s my way or the highway” mentality.
“Whatever”
Another classic phrase your boyfriend may utter when they are trying to abruptly end an argument without sitting down and discussing the matter with you like an adult. What he means is “Do what you want, I don’t want to discuss the matter with you any further”.
“I know/I can handle this”
While being confident is not a bad thing, if your boyfriend always says they know how to handle something, they are most likely too arrogant to admit they need help (in any form). Even worse, if he tells you to back off and let him do it instead.
“I told you so”
Your boyfriend may have thought that he did you a favour by warning you about something bad but saying “I told you so” when you are going through a hard phase is very incentive. It’s another way of proving he is right and taking the credit and you were wrong.
“I never said that”
“I never said that” is perhaps one of the most common phrases manipulators and gaslighters use to make you doubt your sanity and ultimately manipulate and control you. Next time he does this, keep audio records and shove them in his face as a proof.
“You better do this or I will…… (insert threat)?”
If your boyfriend demands that you do something he wants or he will do something bad e.g. break up with you or leave you out of his party, this is clear blackmailing in an attempt to manipulate you. And if he threatens to physically harm you, run by all means and seek help. This guy is dangerous.
“You are the problem”
Ohh the “who’s to blame game” that he uses to point his fingers at you and shift the blame for his nasty and problematic behaviour. While many times both partners are to blame in a fight, blaming only you but himself is plain selfish and immature.
He ignores you AKA gives you you the silent treatment
Sometimes, he may not say anything bad but his lack of words may speak louder. Refusing to talk to you is a form of punishment and a toxic way to get a reaction from you–good or bad. It’s a spineless passive-aggressive behaviour that aims to push your limits and make you react the way he wants.
So what can you do if your boyfriend is a (verbal) bully?
If your boyfriend has the habit of putting you down with his words, this doesn’t mean you have to tolerate his toxic and insensitive ways. You need to summon all your strength and deal with the matter before he ruins your for good. For more info on how to deal with bullying, check the article: “How to heal after bullying in your relationship”.
