Let’s face it–being in the friendzone when you want something more isn’t easy. It’s confusing, disappointing, and unwelcoming. But, it’s very common and others may friendzone you for several reasons:
- They don’t find you attractive but they don’t want to let you down the hard way
- They have someone else that sparks their romantic interest
- They only see you as part of the friend group and don’t want to change the group’s dynamics
- They only want to take advantage of you e.g. asking for favors.
If you are wondering if you are in the friendzone, the communication lines will be blurry but the other person will let you know through several hints. For instance, they may say “You are such a great friend…” or “let’s hang out with X or Z” but they never ask you for a date one-on-one. They may also give you a friendly pat on the back but if you attempt to come closer, they will back off. In extreme cases, they may avoid any contact with you altogether–especially if they know you see them differently.
While being just friends and hanging out is pretty standard when you are a student, it works only when both parties see it that way.
However, if you see the other person as more than a friend, here’s what you can do about it:
Understand Why It Happens
As mentioned earlier, the other person might friendzone you for different reasons. While it’s tempting to ask them right away, you’ll risk making them feel awkward and pressured. Worst case, they’ll start avoiding you and you’ll lose any friendship you’ve had with them completely. The only way to find out why you are in the friendzone is indirectly.
For example:
- Get a common friend to ask your target what they think about you
- If you are close buddies, keep an eye on whom else they hang out with and if they seem interested in someone else
- Ask them if they are interested in someone else from your group, class, school, etc.
- Initiate more meaningful communication and see how they respond. If they reply late, respond to your text with 1-2 word answers, or ignore you completely, chances are, they are not interested in you romantically.
Once you’ll find out what’s the reason why they’ve friend zoned, you’ll start taking appropriate action.
Build Your Confidence
Very often, you may involuntarily send the signal that you are desperate and insecure. How? You follow them around all the time, you have no other things or friends to get involved with, and/or you are too shy or reluctant to talk. This is unattractive as nobody wants more from a person that behaves that way. Do not feel inferior to the other person or they will see you as inferior indeed. Instead, practice and exude self-confidence–the kind that you feel great about yourself but not to the point of arrogance.
Affirmations will help you a great deal if you are struggling. For instance, practice these affirmations daily:
- I am confident in myself
- I exude confidence
- I am attractive
- I have the power to make my target fall for me
- My target (say their name) likes me more than just a friend
Ideally, say these affirmations to yourself daily. The more you practice these affirmations, the more these will build up in your subconscious and you will reach your target.
Avoid Being the Person They Only Deal with When They Need Something
Have you noticed that your “friend” contacts you only when they need someone to talk to or for something random? For instance, they’ll complain about their school issues or ask you to hang out with them at the mall. Even worse, they may seek your advice to impress their crush (and it’s not you). However, if you ask them for something more, they’ll refuse or ignore you. Don’t show that you are too eager to please them, and learn to say “NO”. It may feel counterintuitive but if you keep pleasing them, they will continue using you without giving you anything back. In the end, you will feel exploited–which will push you further into the friendzone. By placing boundaries and refusing to help them every time, you will set yourself apart from other members of the group. You will also come across as more confident and attractive which is a big plus.
Use “Social Proof”
We all had that popular girl or guy at school that everybody follows around–the kind of person that is drooled over at. And it’s not always because they are physically attractive. They may be average-looking but their attractiveness and popularity are over the roof. Why? They use social proof to their advantage. They simply hang out with other cool or attractive people and act like social butterflies without being too close to anyone. If you want to use social proof to your advantage:
- Let your target see you engaging with other attractive girls (if you are a guy going after a female friend) or with other attractive guys (if you are a girl targeting a male friend).
- Host awesome parties where all the cool kids are invited (along with your target). Do not give your target your sole attention. Have fun and engage with other cool people too.
Just make sure they notice–and if this works, they will compete with others to get your attention.
Sometimes though, whatever you do to make your target see you as more than just a friend, doesn’t work. If you tried all of the above ways but your target doesn’t seem to respond the way you want, it may be time to cut your losses and accept that they are just not into you. Do not feel defeated–$hit happens even to the most popular or attractive people. Just realize you did your best and shift your attention to something or someone else. Do not force it, if it’s meant to be something more, it will!
