We all feel lonely sometimes. Maybe you have a hard time connecting with people, or perhaps you’re dealing with one of life’s curve balls and are living in a new city far from loved ones or healing after a big breakup. A recent survey revealed that over 33% of adults around the world experience frequent feelings of loneliness.
The recent social isolation due to the pandemic only made the problem worse. FaceTime and Zoom calls may have helped some feel connected, but others have found that virtual get-togethers did not replace in-person contact.
Loneliness can be hard to face, especially if you already struggle with a mental illness. The isolation you feel day to day can get even worse around the holidays. It’s possible to feel lonely even when you’re among others, which often leads to more feelings of loneliness and misunderstanding.
People who deal with loneliness and isolation daily often feel like they’re fighting a battle on their own. Even if you do have people in your life who are there for you, there are many reasons why you might be averse to opening up, especially around the holidays. You might feel guilty for feeling this way during what’s meant to be a happy time, or embarrassed that the problem has become too big to bear on your own. You might be wrestling with feeling like you would burden them with your problem.
If you’re feeling alone during the holidays, it might help to know that you’re not the only one. A recent survey by NAMI found that 3 in 5 Americans report that their mental health suffers during the holiday season. Depending on where you live, the long, dark days of winter can sometimes trigger symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, a common subtype of depression often associated with seasonal change.
During winter, many parts of the world experience less sunlight, which can negatively affect serotonin levels. Serotonin is commonly referred to as the ‘happy chemical’ because it causes us to feel happy and content. People who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder can sometimes have levels of serotonin reuptake proteins that are too high, resulting in less serotonin in their brains.
Another reason you might be feeling down around the holidays might be due to increased levels of melatonin, the hormone that helps us keep our circadian rhythm or sleep-wake cycles.
The holidays can be a difficult time, so here are a few ideas to try and make you feel better.
Take Care of Yourself First
There’s nothing wrong with putting your mental health first, so if having a traditional Christmas is too tough this year, do Christmas your own way. There is no ‘right’ way to do Christmas. On the other hand, if you do find yourself spending the holidays alone, why not take this opportunity to enjoy a spontaneous holiday? While people complain about expensive holiday travel, the majority of those flights take place in the days leading up to the holidays. Domestic air travel is actually quite a bit cheaper on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. If air travel isn’t in the budget, take advantage of the open road and get out of town.
Give Back
Giving up some of your time to do something nice for someone else can help you feel more connected to your community and help ease the gnawing sense of loneliness that you might be experiencing. Offer to help someone at work with a project or tasks like Secret Santa or the annual staff holiday party. It doesn’t need to be very involved; tackling a shopping list of party supplies can greatly help the party planner. You could also leave cookies or some other treat on your neighbour’s porch or volunteer at your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Churches and community centres often hand out holiday meals for people dealing with food scarcity and they are always looking for more helping hands.
Exercise
The days might be shorter, but the air is still fresh. Getting some physical movement in, preferably outside, can leave you feeling much better. Endorphins are a group of neurotransmitters that help us block out pain and increase feelings of well-being. They are released by the pituitary gland when we perform physical activity. Anything that raises your heart rate a bit can trigger a release of endorphins. To up the ante, get outdoors. Getting some exercise outside can help increase vitamin D absorption and counteract some of the nasty side effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Going for a brisk walk around your neighbourhood or climbing to a lookout are two great options. Most communities have hiking groups you can find through Facebook or Meetup, so you might even make some new friends along the way.
Journal
Perhaps your malcontent stems from something deeper. Do you associate the holidays with a painful memory? It might be worth asking yourself some hard questions to get to the bottom of why you feel sad around the holidays. Speaking to a therapist, parent or friend or even writing to yourself in your journal can help you get closer to the source of your unhappiness.
Listen to Music
Music can have a huge impact on our mental state. Dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with our brain’s pleasure and reward centre, gets released when we hear the music we love. Music that is fast and upbeat can energize you, prompting you to take action, maybe even dance! This in turn leads to even further dopamine production, heightening your mood even more
Reach Out
The most important takeaway here is that even if you feel alone, you aren’t. So many people go through rough patches, particularly around the holidays, so reach out to the ones who care about you and let them know how you’re feeling. Chances are they might have been there before and can help you through it, and even if they can’t relate, just knowing that you have someone in your corner can help you bridge the gap and feel more connected.
