Foreword
This is a personal essay written by Reem AlHamdan. Reem is a Saudi woman with the passion to explore the world. She shares her adventures in the blog Life of Ree. Ree has agreed to publish this deeply personal essay on depression with the hope that her story will help others cope with anxiety and low spirits.
Depression has been my companion for as long as I can remember. From my bachelor days to my adult life. I thought I’ve tackled it with years of therapy and medication but it seemed to have a new rebirth when I decided to do my master’s. Depression came back like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
But this time it was worse as I thought that leaving my city and starting a new life in a foreign country would be such a positive beginning to a new chapter. Then came the realization that you take yourself wherever you go and moving to a new country can take the best of us into the depths of depression. Yikes!
The Comeback
Let me tell you how depression made an appearance back into my life, maybe it feels relatable to you. It started subtly, like something in the back of your mind pulling you away from doing what you like. For me, it was the gym. I used to be active 4-5 times a week, then suddenly my bed is comfier. Then there were days where I’d rather spend it in bed (yes the whole day). Then, it escalates to not remembering when was the last time you left your place or had human interactions. And when you leave your place it’s because of something you have to do, for me, it was school work. This is where you fake smiles and pretend like you’re okay.
As soon as I came back to my apartment the feelings would come back again, especially at night. I’d cry myself to sleep for no reason. Then the cycle begins: I’d lose the motivation for taking care of myself, for going out, for doing what I love, and for being myself.
Leaving everything behind to start school has left me one on one with my depression. It’s like I left all my distractions behind and my depression came out of the shadows and told me ”hey, I was here all along” laughing at me and the progress I thought I had made.
The Healing
If you found any of that relatable then I’m here to reassure you that it DOES get better. But how? There’s no magic recipe, even medication numbs you and gives a temporary solution to a problem. It is constant work and a journey for YOU. You have to change your thought process and realize you are worth the work and that you’re willing to do it for YOU. But I know what’ll say, “I don’t think I’m worth it” or “what’s the point anyways” cause I do think that from time to time. I’m not here to tell you I don’t have down days, cause I do. But then I find ways around it, because when you ignore your down days, it gets worse and worse, then you’d be back to that constant loophole.
Please realize that you’re valuable, that there are people who care about you and your well-being, and that you’re not alone with your mental health struggles.
The Work
Below are some of the things that helped me to overcome the symptoms of depression.
-Goals, Dreams, and Purpose
Depression can come from many things. Whatever these things are, you’d most likely end up thinking that life is pointless, and end up not wanting to put any energy toward it.
What helped me a lot was an advice from a life coach I saw on Instagram from @stumpy94; “Setting goals and working toward your dreams is your ultimate life purpose, this helps you to live in the moment and hope for a better future“.
It was hard for me at first as I always thought life was meaningless, but I knew deep down that I had to create a meaning and a purpose to start enjoying my life again.
Start by asking yourself these questions: “what do I like” “what am I good at” and “what brings me joy”. Answering these questions can be a setting stone to finding out what your dream and purpose are. My dream turned out to be writing and traveling, I knew it brought me joy even when I’m sad, so I started setting little goals every day that helped me get closer to my dreams.
-Opening Up To Others
This is crucial as we often feel like we’re alone and misunderstood. This is probably because you’re keeping everything to yourself and putting yourself down with these kept emotions. When I started to talk to people I’m close to, I realized how much I’m loved and it certainly made me feel better. I also opened up to a therapist that helped me work through various techniques and supported me with my symptoms.
Opening up helps whether it’s with close friends or family or even online through social media platforms and communities. You’d be surprised that you’re not alone in this. If you feel like you might not be understood, a qualified therapist that’s right for you will help a lot. You just need to find one that’s suitable for you and this takes some trial and error, so don’t be discouraged.
-Journaling:
Writing your feelings down (no matter how harsh and sad they are) helps you to get them out of your chest and even understand yourself more. Write about your day, even if you did nothing, write about how you feel in detail. This will open your eyes to some struggles you haven’t thought of before and you might come up with solutions for them yourself.
In the beginning, my journal was really negative and gloomy. But in time, I discovered some revelations about myself I haven’t thought of before. This helped elevate my writing to giving myself “pep talk” and imagining I was talking to someone I love, like my sister who I’m close to.
In the end, my journaling turned from being very sad and painful to very cheerful and lifting. I ended up being my own cheerleader and telling myself what I wanted to hear through journaling.
-Changing Your Thought Process:
Your mind can work for you or against you. What you constantly tell yourself will be your reality as you’re manifesting it in your life. Words and thoughts are energy, so they manifest themselves in the real world. Journaling is the first step, the second step is being aware of your thought pattern. If you think about it, this is one of the main causes of depression, constant negative thoughts and patterns about ourselves, situations, and past and/or future. I highly recommend The School of Greatness podcast, episode 1353. That speaks about this point in detail.
-Meditation:
The next “phase” is not thinking at all. Meditation is proven to elevate your mood and reduce stress and depression. The best way to start is to focus on your breathing and just observe your thoughts. I highly recommend “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, a book about self-realization and being connected with your own self.
-Physical Activity:
This could be anything you like, the gym, yoga, pilates, biking, running, literally anything. the simplest form is to just take a walk. This alone definitely improves your mood and well-being and scientifically proven to improve depression symptoms. I highly recommend exploring different sports activities until you find the “one” you love doing and can maintain consistently. For me, when my motivation runs low, I always force myself to take walks as I know by the end of it I’ll feel so much better.
In the end, recognizing that school work is tough and working towards your mental health through it, is essential to have a healthy university life experience. Please don’t forget you’re not alone and to reach out to the mental health helpline in your country for immediate help if needed.
