Heading to college for the first time is a big shift in your usual dynamic. Traditionally, this is the time to strike out away from your hometown and find yourself. Naturally you might be feeling apprehensive about how this first year at college will affect your relationships. This is especially true if the relationship you are wondering about is a romantic one. If you and your significant other have decided to spend your first year of college in a long-distance relationship, you are not alone. According to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, up to forty percent of college students are in a long-distance relationship. In fact, they are only becoming more common as virtual connections and travel options continue to become more available.
If you are considering a long-distance relationship during your first year in college, here are some good things to know.
Percentage of breakups compared to close-distanced couples
You might be surprised to hear that couples in long-distance relationships are not more likely to break up than couples who are in the same area. This data does go against the stereotype that the stress of long-distance will lead to higher levels of breakups. However, the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships cites data from five reports that puts that myth to rest. So if you are thinking about ending your relationship for fear that it’s doomed – know that distance doesn’t actually determine its success!
Fidelity statistics in long-distance relationships
If your primary concern for maintaining a long-distance relationship lies in the fidelity of your partner, you might be relieved to know that there is no difference in fidelity compared to couples in the same area. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships points to three reports that demonstrate the similarities in fidelity patterns between long-distance and close-distanced relationships. Although the rates of cheating are uniform with both relationship types, there is an overwhelming sense of anxiety for those who are in long-distance relationships. However, regardless of the distance between the couple, the elements that determines the threat of infidelity are personal character and the relationship’s overall health. So if your biggest concern with a long-distance relationship is the possibility of getting cheated on, focus on building a strong relationship.
Relational happiness in a long-distance relationship
On average, the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships says that those in a long-distance relationship are equally happy with their relationship as those in a close-distanced relationships. However, an important aspect of maintaining this sense of relational happiness is intentionally working on emotional intimacy. If you are looking to build a happy, healthy long-distance relationship, here are five areas that the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships says are important to prioritize.
Tips to Keep Long-Distance Relationships
Look at the positives
Given the statistics about long-distance relational happiness and viability, there is every reason to be positive! If other people repeat these negative assumptions, remember that it’s simply not the case. Remember that it is more normal than ever to have a long-distance relationship and it has become easier to connect on a daily basis. It’s the commitment that you both bring that makes the relationship work, so don’t let anyone undermine your connection.
Discover diverse ways to be close
When you crave cuddling up and connecting, you need a plan to make it through. There are plenty of ways to stay emotionally close without being physically close. Talk about the little parts of your day just as much as large expressions of romance. This helps you feel present in each other’s lives.
Make sure to talk about the relational bumps you are experiencing as well. It may seem tempting to keep the conversation sweet because the time to connect is limited – but remember that talking about these deeper issues will keep your relationship healthy in the long run. One important detail that will help in these moments is to use video calls so that you can understand each other’s body language. This will keep misunderstandings from happening as frequently as if audio was used alone. It is just as important to point out positive aspects in each other as well!
There is significant power in writing physical letters to each other. Letters take time and intention to write and therefore have extra significance when received. They also serve as great reminders of affection when you’re feeling lonely. Any other token that reminds you of each other will also lift your spirits.
Have a social life
Even though you want a close connection to your significant other, make sure you have a support network around you. Engaging in social activities and developing friendships can reduce loneliness. You may want to spend all your free time with your partner but having healthy friendships will help you maintain long-term endurance in your romantic relationship.
Know that there will be ups and downs
Understanding that there will be rough patches will help you avoid panic and jumping to conclusions. Experiencing rough patches is a sign that you are communicating and growing your relationship. This mindset is especially important since it will help keep disappointment at bay when the quality time didn’t go as planned.
Communicate and be creative with sexual expectations
If you engage in sexual intimacy together, talk about what you are comfortable with doing virtually. The most important aspect of this topic is to be honest and accepting of each other. This time together can really enhance your relationship and keep you feeling connected. This is a very personal topic and will look different for everyone. Start with what you are comfortable with first and explore from there. Make sure that you are both being honest about how you’re feeling and your needs. Thankfully, the times when you are able to be intimate in person are likely to be passionate and carefree. That is certainly an advantage to long-distance relationships!
Citation:
Guldner, Gregory. (2018.) Long Distance Relationship Frequently Asked Questions 2018. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships. https://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm#How_common_are_long_distance_relationships
